I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
