are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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