whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
