he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
