Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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