Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
