get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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