had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize