you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
