There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
