what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
