My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
