So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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