He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
