I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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