he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
