Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
