i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
