I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
