i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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