Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
