Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
