Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
