i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
