i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
