I've blown a few things in my day
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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