talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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