I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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