I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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