btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
