This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
