Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
