just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
