there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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