I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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