gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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