i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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