I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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