We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
