Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My bed smells like the plague
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
