And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
