How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
