i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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