i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
