So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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