I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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