So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
