Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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