Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
