I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
