Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Everclear isn't food dammit
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
