Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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