I just cut my nipple shaving
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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