You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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