why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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