i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
