This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
