What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize