your thong is hanging out like whoa
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
