You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize