i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
