in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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