like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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