I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
