wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
