At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize