There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
