Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
