There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
