I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
