I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
