Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize