@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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