just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
