Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
