You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize