They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
