And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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