My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
