You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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