she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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