I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
