we have pet lesbian snakes
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
