I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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