Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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