Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
