My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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