Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
