i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
