Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
