I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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