hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
