i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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