i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
