I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
