you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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