Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
