she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
