Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
