is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
