Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
