Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
