I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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