I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
