we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
