Christians are straight up FREAKS
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
